Why The Saying “Happy Wife Happy Life” Could Be Dangerous For Your Marriage

Why The Saying “Happy Wife Happy Life” Could Be Dangerous For Your Marriage

There can be a lot of benefits to having a happy marriage. So, knowing that you want a happy marriage and life, you must try to figure out how to make it happen. Many people believe the saying “Happy Wife, Happy Life,” but is there any truth to it? While this phrase may be said with pure or comical intentions, it can also be detrimental to a stable, happy marriage.

Where Did The Saying “Happy Wife Happy Life” Come From?

No one seems to know where the adage “happy wife happy life” came from. Some early mentions of it come from plays, and many people believe it started from a real estate ad. While we might not ever really know where it came from, there’s no denying that many people believe it to be true. Further, the way that most people understand the saying “happy wife happy life” is that if you want to be content as a spouse, you better make sure to do whatever you have to do to keep your wife happy.

Could The Saying “Happy Wife Happy Life” Be True?

There are plenty of theories on why the saying “Happy wife, happy life” could be true. One of the beliefs is that if a wife is happy, they’ll be more willing to help their spouse achieve happiness. Maybe they’ll go out of their way to assist or serve their spouse or have an improved mood that makes them more enjoyable to be around.  

Rutgers study found what they believe is proof that the adage is true. They questioned couples on their overall happiness levels within their marriage and other areas of their lives. They found a correlation between the two, for both the husband and the wife. However, they also found that if the husband were sick, the wife’s happiness level declined more, and the same didn’t appear to be true for the husband.

The Danger Of This Saying As A Wife

As a wife, if you believe that this statement “happy wife happy life” is true, you might think that you can use it as an excuse to be selfish and get your way. If you and your spouse are in a disagreement over something, you could try to use this adage to sway them on why they should give in to you so you can be happy.

This might seem like a wise idea for the time being, but if you continue to do this to your spouse, you might experience consequences. If your spouse continually gives into your wishes or demands, they may become resentful over time. While you might be happy, they may not be, and this can lead them into feeling bitter. They might also begin to see you as selfish, which can erode your connection. Eventually, if you’re only focused on your own happiness, your spouse may feel that they could find someone else more giving. 

The Danger Of This Saying As A Spouse

If you believe this saying as a spouse, you might begin to blame your wife for your state of contentment. Believing that your wife is responsible for how happy you are can cause you to blame them if you aren’t happy with your life. This can put a lot of pressure on your wife to try to keep you happy. The more pressure you put on them, the less happy they may become—in turn, you might also experience less happiness. 

If your wife is hard to please, you may begin to feel poorly about yourself or develop low self-esteem. You might even start to resent them and become interested in finding someone who is easier to please.

Further, consider situations in which your wife isn’t happy, but you are happy in many other areas of your life. If you think that a happy wife is responsible for the other areas of your life, you might steal some of your own happiness simply because your wife isn’t happy.

This belief could cause you to be unhappier in your job or hobbies because you are too focused on your wife’s happiness. While it’s natural for someone to want their wife to be happy, it doesn’t mean that they should give up their own happiness if they are struggling with theirs. Keeping a positive attitude and encouraging one’s wife to seek happiness on their own could help both spouses move forward.

What To Do Instead

Many things can impact the level of one’s happiness. While your spouse can play a role in how happy you are with your life, they aren’t in control of it. When you put someone else’s mood and behavior in control of how your life goes, you are giving up freedom that is rightfully yours.

Your spouse is a human being. They are going to have good days, and they’re going to have bad days. It’s not their job to make you happy in your life. So, instead of focusing on “Happy wife, happy life,” here are some things that you can do instead.

Take Responsibility For Your Happiness

No matter which spouse you are in the relationship, it can be important to take responsibility for your own happiness. Try not to make it someone else’s responsibility because that isn’t fair to them. Happiness can be achieved regardless of life’s circumstances because it’s something that comes from within. Happiness is a choice that you can make for yourself.

Focus On Your Thought Life

Your thoughts can play an important role in your mood and behavior. If you want to improve the level of happiness that you experience in life, it may help to focus on improving your thoughts. If you’re feeling unhappy with your marriage or another aspect of life, your thoughts surrounding those areas might need some work. 

Take time to think about what you’re thinking about. If you’re an unhappy person, you might notice that your thoughts tend to be negative and unhappy as well. However, you can choose your thoughts and increase your level of happiness.

Learn What It Takes To Build A Strong Marriage

There is a lot more that goes into having a strong marriage and a happy life than your spouse’s choice to live in joy. Spend some time learning what it takes to build a healthy marriage. Marriage can teach you many life skills, including:

  • Healthy communication
  • Gratitude
  • Building trust
  • Knowing you don’t always have to agree
  • Forgiveness

Change How You Look At The Message

If you’re stuck on the “happy wife happy life” adage, it may help to try changing how you think of it. Instead of relating the two together, think about them separately. We automatically read it to think that one equals the other, but that doesn’t have to be true. They can be two separate goals. 

Of course, most spouses want their partners to be happy and want to have a happy life themselves. That doesn’t mean you can’t have one without the other; and you can influence both. Looking for ways you and your spouse can grow and improve together can help ensure that each of you are happy within the marriage and with each other. 

Online Counseling With ReGain

If your marriage has hit a road bump or you and your spouse are struggling to find happiness together, online counseling could be constructive. ReGain is an online platform that offers counseling for couples and individuals alike. You and your spouse can work on your communication skills and set goals as a couple. Regardless of your different schedules, you can connect with your therapist at a time that is convenient for both of you. Over time, you can learn how to improve your happiness individually and as a couple. 

The Efficacy Of Online Counseling 

Online counseling can be used to address a variety of concerns, including a lack of happiness. Researchers assessed the effectiveness of an online intervention focused on the tenants of positive psychology. They found that the intervention promoted quality of life and increased the psychological well-being of participants. This speaks to the efficacy of online therapy, particularly when compared to face-to-face options. 

The Takeaway

The phrase “happy wife, happy life” may be common, but it can also be detrimental to a marriage. Marriages are built on experiences and intimacy, and it can be vital for each spouse to value how their partner is feeling. The health and future of a marriage does not rest on one spouse alone, but on both of them together. For this reason, finding ways for each individual to find contentment can be important. Those struggling with an unhappy marriage may benefit from online counseling. Therapy is a personal experience, and not everyone will go into it seeking the same things. Keeping these things in mind can ensure that you will get the most out of online therapy, regardless of your specific goals.